IC INBOX

[crystallinememories]

Hello! This is Raha's phone. Sorry that I couldn't answer, but leave me a message or text me.

Comments

second half of november;

[thavnairian]

[Well, that sure... happened. It's a lot to take in, especially if one hasn't been even a little dead before. He figures he should check in.]

hey raha

this place sucks and i'm feeling kind of restless

do you want to grab

[... quickly checking the time.]

dinner?

[SMOOTH]

Re: second half of november;

[crystallinememories]

[It has been A Lot, if not only for the revelation of who had actually been behind all this. Raha foresees a lot of diving into what records of POKEGO are public in the near future... and frankly he's trying not to think too hard about the whole being dead thing.]

That sounds nice. Where should I meet you?

THERE'S A BEETLEJUICE MUSICAL??? ah shit i need it

[thavnairian]

[Amal has decided the best way to avoid thinking about it all is to simply not think.]

i'm down for whatever. we can find something that reminds you of your home though if you like

[Even the food that is closest to his Hannish upbringing isn't completely the same-- but it's still good. There's also a lot more fried food, which he approves of.]

[crystallinememories]

[bless amal. if only raha could use that pro strat.]

I know of a few good places.

[it's pretty hard to find a 'Cyprus' restaurant, but Greek? More than possible. So he'll send the address of one and/or meet up with him somewhere to go there???]

[thavnairian]

[All Raha has to do is give in to his himbo instincts.]

ooh i've never eaten there! looks good!

meet you in 15 minutes?

[Amal will be there early but there's no need to tell Raha he's desperate to stay out of the house. Work is work but it only goes so far to distract him, honestly.]

[crystallinememories]

[It's not like Raha spends all that much time at the house either, buried in research as he is, but he has noticed that he's not seen Amal around as much-- so if nothing else, it'll be good to spend some time with him.

He shows up after Amal, obviously, a scarf bundled around his neck and a hat over his ears- they may be becoming less obvious, but he'd still rather not deal with people commenting on them.]

Hey. How are you?

[thavnairian]

[Amal is dressed... still not seasonally appropriately, but at least he has a puffy white jacket. He carries it folded over his arm. Just ignore the part where he's wearing capris and sandals. He greets Raha with undeniable warmth (and a tinge of relief), as if they haven't seen each other for a year instead of like. Hours. A part of him is always surprised to have actual friends and he hasn't shaken that entirely, even after all this time...]

All right, I think. Though if I spend much more time inside my room I might end up summoning a dimension-hopping beast out of desperation. [A beat.] I'm kidding. I'm seriously kidding. You look cute in that hat, by the way.

I've never eaten Greek food, so you'll have to tell me what's best and what's spiciest.

[crystallinememories]

[Amal...... Raha has learned that there's no point in questioning him.]

Ah-- thank you. [He would ask if Amal is alright, but..... he knows the answer.] I'd be happy to.

[He'll lead the way in, and point Amal towards certain parts of the menu. Even under his coat, it's easy to see the peaceful swing of his tail, any anxiety settling down as he chats quietly with Amal before the waiter comes and takes their order.

He waits for the waiter to leave them be before focusing fully back on the man across him, reaching out a little- not actively trying to take his hand, but closing the gap between them all the same.] ...How are you doing?

[thavnairian]

[Amal feels the anxiety bleed from himself, too. Seeing Raha at ease puts him at ease. This is familiar. Though Raha isn't the exact same as the Raha he traveled with, he has the same kind heart. Amal has certainly grown fond of him on his own merits.

He orders some spicy lamb and an appetizer to share, and he's still thinking of what that will taste like when he feels familiar red eyes on him. The body language is subtle, but Amal catches on. It... reminds him of a conversation, actually...]

... I'm managing. [That's not not all right, but it's clear that he's letting his walls down a little.] I've come so close to death I could taste it. And yet, to have no choice in the matter... feeling judged and powerless all over again... [He runs a hand through his hair.] It dredged up some thoroughly unpleasant memories I would have preferred to leave in the past.

[He sets that hand back down, just a fingertip's length away from Raha's. It's something of a casual invitation, or at least a gesture of solidarity. He's here.]

I imagine it was something like that for you, too. Perhaps even moreso. In the past, I never asked—I didn't ask, because I didn't want to know how much you remembered...

[He had witnessed the Exarch's last moments, and G'raha Tia had lived them. Why would he risk making them both relive that painful memory?]

[crystallinememories]

[Raha's quiet for a moment, fingers drumming a little.]

I... know about it. But I don't remember it. Not right now, anyway.

[Because of the chain of events, he's not sure he'd remember the exact moment anyway. The memory transfer would have had to been when he handed the crystal off, he thinks, though he doesn't recall the process that makes it work at all now, so maybe it's linked another way.]

But-- it would be an understatement to say that this experience was uncomfortable. [He pauses again, before his hand sneaks a little closer, gently laying on top of Amal's hand.] I'm sorry be dragged through something like that again.

[thavnairian]

Small mercies, I suppose.

[He's a little surprised by Raha laying his hand on top of Amal's, and it's plain on his face, but then his expression softens.]

I doubt we'll ever repeat the experience here, but once was too many. I'm sorry you had to go through it all over again.

[He pauses, then gently turns his hand over so that they're palm to palm on the table, holding hands properly. It's surprisingly intimate.]

... How have you been holding up?

[crystallinememories]

[It is, but also... it doesn't feel outlandish by any means, and after a moment Raha is more than comfortable to give the hand in his a little squeeze.]

Alright, all things considered. It's easy enough to just throw myself into research-- though it turns out supernatural organizations don't have near the same obligation as public ones to be even a little transparent in their records.

[Zodiac are still idiots for not having noticed anything wrong with POKEGO, but he's not having all that much luck digging up information either so far.]

[thavnairian]

There ought to be laws to change that. Though, laws also need to be enforced, and that would likely mean relying on us. [A prospect he's terribly excited about.] But if this is our world now, we should take care of it.

[He gives Raha's hand a little squeeze back. Despite the tone of the conversation, it's a small delight that sets his heart jumping. He's not had this sort of thing with anyone he ever really cared about. Tiny touches here and there, sure, but this is different. He watches Raha from behind his bangs as if he might be able to discern what his friend is thinking.

In the end, though, Amal is far from any kind of mind reader. All he can do is lay his heart bare and hope it's well received.]

Part of why I called you out here was... well, the whole episode with death and judgment and darkness set me to thinking. And we both know how dangerous that is, [he says with a soft laugh.] I've told you a lot about your past life, and of course you know me by those memories, too. But you don't know everything... about me... and I had hoped that you might be open to listening, and maybe even helping me with something important.

Now, there's—there's no obligation. If you feel uncomfortable you can always walk away, and I won't speak of it again. But I would like it if... [Gods, his ears are red.] ... if you stayed.

[crystallinememories]

[If Amal's worried about a bad reaction, he's likely immediately soothed. Raha's ears perk up and he nods near immediately.]

Of course. I'd-- I'd really like that. Whatever you're comfortable sharing.

[Because he does know Amal through those memories, and from what he's known of him here, but that's of course not the whole of who he is. And... Raha would like to know as much of his friend as he can.]

[thavnairian]

[Thank goodness Raha isn't running. Yet. He looks down at their joined hands, and runs his thumb along the side of Raha's slightly paler hand.]

You've likely already figured it out, if you haven't remembered—how I earned my share of wrath for being a thief, and had to flee Radz-at-Han because of it. But that wasn't... everything. I spent a lot of time in Thavnair treading water. Twenty years' worth. I saw every ugly side of the jewel of the Near East.

[He hasn't looked up. His amber eyes are still low as he tries to collect himself.]

Of course, I won't say I was justified in everything I did... but in the beginning, I stole to eat, and to help feed the people around me. That I'm not ashamed of. That's why I've been working to change things directly with the satrap. [Who is, after all, a fucking dragon.] There was no one else to help us so I decided I'd be the one. I think if I had guidance, things would have turned out differently... though I'm not sure I would've listened, either.

[He finally looks up.]

My point is: I had a long history with the wrong arm of the law by the time I came to Eorzea, and some of it was really, really bad. I was in chains when Dalamud fell, serving time in a hole. I was sixteen and it only got worse from there. One doesn't escape a situation like that without a scratch, so... [He chuckles, but there's no joy in it.] It's no wonder I'm damaged goods. I'm not saying this to garner pity, it's just the truth.

[crystallinememories]

[Raha opens his mouth to protest- in a very 'don't talk about my friend like that' way- but he doesn't wind up saying anything immediately, hand staying firmly in Amal's as he tries to think of the right way to respond. He did know, a bit, that Amal had hardly always been on the straight and narrow, but not that Amal was particularly ashamed of parts of it. (And a part of him wonders why the hell he would have been sent to jail, he was still basically a child, shouldn't that have counted for something--?)

He brings his other hand to the table to wrap around Amal's, holding his hand between both of his now.] ...I'm sorry you had to go through all that. But-- even if you're ashamed of things you did, you still wound up where and who you are now. And that person is someone to be proud of.

[He smiles gently, giving the hand another squeeze before he huffs a little.] And you're not damaged goods.

[sorry he couldn't hold that in.]

[thavnairian]

[Once again, Raha catches Amal a little off-guard. He's comforted—there's no doubt about that—but those are kind words he doesn't hear often enough. Of course Raha would say them, he's always been so kind and insightful...

Amal still has one free hand, and he uses it to rub at his nose, feeling a little silly after all of that—especially as he's mildly scolded. Raha's voice is one of the few that breaks through and he appreciates it so much.]

Ah... You're right. I'm sorry. [He squeezes Raha's hand back.] I'm lucky to know you. And everyone else, too. I'm... [The redhead clears his throat.] I'm not alone anymore. Sometimes I forget that, despite everything.

[Finally he brings his other hand around and sets it on top of Raha's.]

Have I mentioned that sometimes I need to learn lessons a few times before they stick?

[crystallinememories]

[Raha chuckles a little himself, looking at their intertwined hands a bit sheepishly.]

It's alright. I'll be here to remind you, as long as you let me.

[He's sure as hell not walking away on his own, after all.]

cw indentured servitude, abuse SORRY

[thavnairian]

You're always invited to put me in my place. [He laughs again, but this time he means it.] Whatever storm is going on in my head or my heart, you know how to get through to me.

[Despite leading a different life, the Raha in front of him is no less courageous than the one who stood against Emet-Selch in the First, who took charge during a crisis and saved many lives. One might confuse him at first for unassuming and bookish but Amal knows the truth.]

Even this is helping me. [He pauses.] What I wanted to ask your help with is... essentially what we're doing right now.

[Which he realizes sounds absolutely insane, so he tries to explain.]

I have trouble with touch, you see. One of my good friends suggested that I find someone I like and ask them to hold my hand so that I would get used to it... I'm not uncomfortable in any way at the moment and I never have been, not with you, but uninvited contact of any kind is... it's different.

You've probably seen them—the scars on my back. Or maybe you didn't want to look for too long. I know they look painful but they don't hurt anymore. [He glances to the side.] I kept escaping so eventually the merchants sent me to the pleasure barges, where I trained to be a courtesan. After a while I decided I didn't want to play along anymore. They thought they could beat me into submission, and when that didn't work, they sent me to scrub floors. I ran away later but the damage was done.

Thanks to all of that, it's difficult to... to be intimate. In any capacity. No matter how I act, I'm just... afraid. [He feels sheepish, and it shows in the twist of his lips.] It's taken me years to get to this point, if I'm being honest. If poor Alphy had tried to cling to me when we first met, I might have launched him into orbit.

Re: cw indentured servitude, abuse SORRY

[crystallinememories]

[Raha's listening carefully, and even though he can't help the surprised look on his face, he doesn't pull away at all. What Amal has been through is horrible beyond words- but if he says this is ok...]

I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. That's-- I can't even imagine how hard it would have been. [Amal has been through plenty as the Warrior of Light, to the point that most people wouldn't compare the two things at all, but this aspect of him is more... personal. A fight for the self, rather than the world, and he'd be hard pressed to say which was more difficult.]

...I'm glad this is alright. And, um, of course I'll help however I can. [he's blushing a little, but, well, why wouldn't he???]

[thavnairian]

It's just a part of my story now. [He smiles mildly.] Written on my heart just like it's written on my skin. If it wasn't causing me problems now, I would be able to move past it entirely...

[He thinks about how some of the Ishgardians had treated him, and how hard he rebelled against being put under Garlean custody, and a few other situations where he refused to be chained. Okay, so maybe he's not completely over it.

Freedom is the most important thing to him, besides his family.]

Thank you, Raha. You've always been so patient with me. [Amal owes him one. Or two, or three—just how many times has Raha saved his hide now?]

... I, uh... I didn't really have a plan outside of dinner and asking you to hold my hand, I'll admit...

[He looks at their joined hands and he blushes, too. Raha is nice and warm, but more than that, Amal trusts him absolutely. He just doesn't trust himself not to fuck it up should they ever go any further. But maybe... doing this will help? Maybe Zelos is right, and it'll help him get over the trauma.

It would be nice to be brave enough to kiss someone like Raha and not have it be part of his job, or some kind of act. It... would be wonderful.]

[crystallinememories]

[Raha chuckles a little, giving the hand in his a gentle squeeze.] This is a good plan on its own.

[It's very peaceful like this, his tail flicking behind him in a lowkey joy. He's happy to talk more, but... he's also happy to just sit like this with Amal for a while.]

[thavnairian]

[He's warm. Their joined hands are so warm, and Amal's cheeks and ears are warm, and part of him wants to run very fast and very far but most of him wants to stay. He just wishes this tightness in his chest would ease up a bit. Maybe some food will help.]

Could you tell me about your home? Not the one from your past, but the one you have here. How is it that you came to study in Kaisou instead of somewhere else? Did you grow up somewhere warm?

[He leans in a little, and drops his voice:]

This place is too damned cold, if you ask me. I need to know if I'm the only one suffering.

[THAT'S BECAUSE YOU NEVER WEAR CLOTHES YOU DUMB FUCK]

[crystallinememories]

[Raha chuckles, moving one of his hands away just to fix his hair, tightening the pins that hold them. None of it was actually falling out, he just-- needed something to fiddle with. That wasn't Amal's fingers.]

Yes and no. I grew up in Cyprus, which is an island in the Mediterranean; it's really beautiful there. And plenty warm, especially during the summer. But when I was pretty young, we moved to England, and, uh. It's rather famous for not having the best weather. It's not as bad as reputation says, but it tends to be gloomy or raining more often than not. Luckily we'd go back to visit Cyprus near ever summer.

As for how I got here, that's hardly much of a story at all. My family know about the Spirit Realm and all that too, so I knew about it for a long time, and it's well known that Kaisou is much more active. And since I wanted to do research involving it, it made a lot of sense to try to go to school here.

...Even with everything else that came with it... I'm glad I did.

[thavnairian]

[He nods as he listens, trying to imagine it with Raha's words as a guide.]

It sounds lovely there. I'm glad you were able to visit in the summer. I bet all the rain made you look forward to Cyprus more.

[It's so interesting that half the people he meets from here have some idea of what weirdness Kaisou sits on, and the other half just woke up one day with "weirdo" powers, like Ris.]

That makes sense. I think if I were in your position I would've done the same thing... I've never been good at listening to people when they say to stay away. [He meets Raha's smile with his own.] I'm glad you don't regret any of it, even though things are crazy sometimes.

Do you have siblings?