You're always invited to put me in my place. [He laughs again, but this time he means it.] Whatever storm is going on in my head or my heart, you know how to get through to me.
[Despite leading a different life, the Raha in front of him is no less courageous than the one who stood against Emet-Selch in the First, who took charge during a crisis and saved many lives. One might confuse him at first for unassuming and bookish but Amal knows the truth.]
Even this is helping me. [He pauses.] What I wanted to ask your help with is... essentially what we're doing right now.
[Which he realizes sounds absolutely insane, so he tries to explain.]
I have trouble with touch, you see. One of my good friends suggested that I find someone I like and ask them to hold my hand so that I would get used to it... I'm not uncomfortable in any way at the moment and I never have been, not with you, but uninvited contact of any kind is... it's different.
You've probably seen them—the scars on my back. Or maybe you didn't want to look for too long. I know they look painful but they don't hurt anymore. [He glances to the side.] I kept escaping so eventually the merchants sent me to the pleasure barges, where I trained to be a courtesan. After a while I decided I didn't want to play along anymore. They thought they could beat me into submission, and when that didn't work, they sent me to scrub floors. I ran away later but the damage was done.
Thanks to all of that, it's difficult to... to be intimate. In any capacity. No matter how I act, I'm just... afraid. [He feels sheepish, and it shows in the twist of his lips.] It's taken me years to get to this point, if I'm being honest. If poor Alphy had tried to cling to me when we first met, I might have launched him into orbit.
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timeasmymeasure
cw indentured servitude, abuse SORRY
Date: 2022-11-20 02:54 am (UTC)[Despite leading a different life, the Raha in front of him is no less courageous than the one who stood against Emet-Selch in the First, who took charge during a crisis and saved many lives. One might confuse him at first for unassuming and bookish but Amal knows the truth.]
Even this is helping me. [He pauses.] What I wanted to ask your help with is... essentially what we're doing right now.
[Which he realizes sounds absolutely insane, so he tries to explain.]
I have trouble with touch, you see. One of my good friends suggested that I find someone I like and ask them to hold my hand so that I would get used to it... I'm not uncomfortable in any way at the moment and I never have been, not with you, but uninvited contact of any kind is... it's different.
You've probably seen them—the scars on my back. Or maybe you didn't want to look for too long. I know they look painful but they don't hurt anymore. [He glances to the side.] I kept escaping so eventually the merchants sent me to the pleasure barges, where I trained to be a courtesan. After a while I decided I didn't want to play along anymore. They thought they could beat me into submission, and when that didn't work, they sent me to scrub floors. I ran away later but the damage was done.
Thanks to all of that, it's difficult to... to be intimate. In any capacity. No matter how I act, I'm just... afraid. [He feels sheepish, and it shows in the twist of his lips.] It's taken me years to get to this point, if I'm being honest. If poor Alphy had tried to cling to me when we first met, I might have launched him into orbit.